Incomplete Romance

Gerard Way sighed softly, turning onto his side to look at the bright stars and houses slowly going past from his bunk. The sound of Mikey and Ray’s snoring, Frank’s headphones and the low hum of the engine where the only things he could hear in the dark tour bus. When left alone in his thoughts he can get himself stressed out and sick by worrying about something that doesn’t even happen anymore and if it would the other has no interest in him apart from to make the fans happy. His phone buzzed silently, sighing softly he reached over and grabbed it to see he had a message from ‘JackATL’.

JackATL; Hey man I know you’re awake, what’s up?
GeeWay; The same as always, praying over the impossible.
JackATL; Dude maybe he likes you back. . . find out okay man, Alex is coming gtg!!

Placing the phone back into his pocket Gerard rolled over to face the window again and let his imagination take a hold of him.

_*_*_*_*FLASHBACK_*_*_*_*_ (Three cheers for sweet revenge)  www.youtube.com/watch?v=utxblo…

My chemical romance where half way through a concert, playing by this point ‘Give ‘em hell kid’. Gerard was swinging his hips and holding onto the mic stand singing his heart out when Frank gets close to Gerard and slips near him so Gerard’s knee facing out to the side is in-between his legs, fingering his guitar as fast as he can and standing on a box making him slightly taller.

Gerard ignores him, dropping his leg back to the floor and contains singing so Frank leans down and presses their heads together to sing out his parts against Gerard’s face. Gerard contains to ignore him when Frank pulls back but jumps slightly when Frank’s face is back against him and singing out the “Be this way” part. Then Frank pulls back and Gerard’s eyes follow and widen at the sight of Frank arching backwards into the guitar as his fingers speed up before singing back against Gerard’s face. When the song finishes Gerard yanks the mic back to move across the stage while Frank bends forward to finish the song.

_*_*_*_*FLASHBACK END_*_*_*_*_

Gerard blew the red hair from his eyes with a quick puff before it settled back across his eyes. Scrunching his nose up he moved it back with his hands, running his hand through his hair before resting it underneath his pillow to get a better look outside. Just thinking about the fake affection shown to him makes his stomach churn and heart clench in pain.

_*_*_*_*FLASHBACK_*_*_*_*_   (PROJEKT REV)   www.youtube.com/watch?v=jf1Z-i…
Give ‘em hell kid again, Gerard thought projekt revolution is probably the gayest thing that ever happened when one minute he was on his knees singing then Frank had his legs either side of his shoulder so his crotch was in Gerard’s face. He had to angle the guitar right so he wouldn’t hit Gerard as he strummed at the strings and fingers flying on the fret. “Cause I miss you more than I did yesterday!” Gerard sung out as Frank stumbled back a couple of steps.

But then Frank was straddling his right shoulder again and Gerard couldn’t stop his hand from sliding in-between Frank’s legs to grip his butt and hold him against him, arm rubbing against Frank’s crotch as Frank’s body thrashed a bit while playing. Gerard had to remind himself to keep singing when Frank’s back kept arching ever now and then while he was singing. Gerard tried to lean away when Frank started getting closer to his face as he arched and played with the music but settled with singing and trying not to care about what Frank was doing.

But then Frank’s part was over and he grabbed Gerard’s head, lacing his fingers into his hair and ground into his head three times panting and moaning before cumming in his pants. Stepping away from Gerard but dragging his hands over his face he quickly covered his pants with his guitar, Gerard knew he was going to blame it on the stage high later.

He thrashed his head around screaming out ‘NOW NOW NOW’ repeatedly before slamming his head down one last time for the ending.

_*_*_*_*FLASHBACK END_*_*_*_*_

Gerard grounded his teeth together and ran his nails hard up his arm breaking the skin. Blood swelled up but he could care less right now. His phone started to vibrate softly so Gerard grabbed the black phone and walked into the lounge area before answering without looking at the caller ID. “Hey Gee...Jack told me you where in one of those moods you get in y’know. But ugh I’m here for you man. Like you helped me get Jack so I’ll help you get Frank if I have to man!” Alex’s voice runs through his head.

Of course Jack would have told Alex. Gerard should have known Jack can’t stand Alex’s puppy eyes. Sighing quietly he responded with, “it’s fine man. I’m just not feeling well,” which wasn’t a lie. Gerard felt as though he was going to throw his guts up and he was sore all over.

“Okay man but we are here for you, remember jalex unicorn!” Alex said in a playful tone trying to lift the mood.

Gerard let out a quiet giggle and breathed out a yeah. He remembered drawing a unicorn for them and sticking it in their bus somewhere now that he thinks about it. “Okay man it’s like...... two AM so get your arse back in bed and sleep, we got a break tomorrow but I want you rested so we can all hang out. Okay,” Alex states more then asks and all Gerard can do is nod before the he hangs up.

Raking his nails through his hair, Gerard made it back to his bunk and lay down. Pulling the curtain across his bunk he stared back out at the beautiful full moon hanging in the sky. The stars scattered across the night sky and just some clouds hung with the moon. It was truly beautiful.

_*_*_*_*FLASHBACK_*_*_*_*_   (Danger Days) www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCWy4P…

Gerard was yelling at the guys to take their tops off before launching into you know what they do to guys like us in prison. Hips swirling, arms flying, shirts thrown on stage and lyrics screamed. Gerard loved this about making music, the stage rush.

“Oh life is but a dream for the dead,” Gerard yelled into the mic. From the corner of his eye he could see Frank drop to his knees and then lie back to play and he couldn’t help himself. “Oh I won’t go down by myself,” Gerard sung as he crouched a bit and swung one leg on the other side of Frank so he was straddling him but not sitting on him. As soon as he was in that position Frank’s hips thrust up making Gerard jump a bit but he continued singing. Looking down at Frank, Gerard held out the mic for Frank to sing his part and his hips went down as he sung out the “Now, now, now, now, now,” part arching his neck up.

Gerard went to move back half way through but Frank kicked his legs up in attempt to push Gerard onto him but Gerard held onto the side of his leg saving him from falling. “Oh fuck me,” Frank screamed out at the end of his part and Gerard stood up to finish it off before walking away.

_*_*_*_*FLASHBACK END_*_*_*_*_

Grunting at his brain reminding him about the ‘stage gay’ which was only an excuse to touch and kiss Frank, Gerard rolled onto his back. Staring at the brown bunk above his where Ray Toro slept. Peacefully and knowing nothing about the thoughts swarming inside the singers mind.

Ray had it easy. He was married to the woman of his dreams and Frank was always with someone. Mikey, well it was hard to tell with him lately. He looked distant when he was with his beautiful wife Alicia but Gerard never asked why. Honestly Gerard was dreading the answer because Mikey was never the relationship type before. Sleeping around with anyone and everyone when he could, it was a horrid thought for the older brother.

Gerard missed Bob. Bob would listen to Gerard complain about Frank and never mention it to the band which left Gerard forever grateful. He would die if anyone else found out. Bob was a teddy bear on the inside when you get past the tough guy image but he would not think twice about throwing his fist around if someone messed with his friends.

Gerard was sick of jumping between drummers and getting to know them before they were gone again. It felt like Bob was the only drummer they all really loved. No one can replace him but since he left the band they have only texted and skyped a couple of times but they will lap up anytime they have with him.

_*_*_*_*FLASHBACK_*_*_*_*_ (Black parade) www.youtube.com/watch?v=X97mZr…

They were playing teenagers. One of their most known songs that somehow got onto singstar but that isn’t the point right now. Gerard was stalking over to Frank, moving his arms and jutting his body like he was a puppet on a string. He felt no control over his body as he saw Frank sitting on the ground. Long hair falling over his face as his fingers made the most amazing sounds come out of the guitar.

Before he knew it he had shoved his clothed crotch against the side of Frank’s face rolling his hips a little.  He felt Frank lean against his pelvis and arch his neck into it before the spell was broken and Gerard was pulling away. Almost running to the other side of the stage as Frank steadied himself from falling over from loss of contact.

He felt warm as his face heated up from embarrassment. The tips of his ears going red and the lining of his stomach flushing. But he kept singing. He has to keep singing for the fans, he reminded himself as he sung out the lyrics with the background of his friends serenading those amazing sounds from their instruments.

_*_*_*_*FLASHBACK END_*_*_*_*_

Gerard slapped his face. Why wouldn’t they stop haunting him? Why wouldn’t they leave him alone for once and let him sleep for a couple of hours. His phone buzzed softly in his pocket.
JackATL; Okay Alex is taken care of. Talk to me!!
GeeWay; Okay. Why won’t they stop?
JackATL; because maybe they want you to do something about it.

It felt like Gerard had just been punched in the face. Why didn’t he think of that? Because he didn’t want to make a move and turn up empty handed and a band with one less member. He couldn’t do that to the fans he had put his life into keeping alive. Showing them even in your most jaded times you can and will get better.

He can’t risk all that just for his stupid feelings. Maybe he should meet someone else and settle down and start a family. The thought of being with a woman and having children didn’t sit right in his stomach. It made him want to throw up until all that was being pushed out of his throat was bile that no longer held vomit. He couldn’t and wouldn’t do that to himself.

GeeWay; because I don’t want to risk the band. I’m gonna try and sleep now man.

Gerard put the black box away before rolling on his stomach. Face pressed into the dark fabric of the pillow as he sobbed lightly. He always wanted the impossible, acting happy on the outside only for the people he cares about. He can’t make people feel guilty for something that was his fault. He shouldn’t have fallen for his best friend, his band’s guitarist at that.

_*_*_*_*FLASHBACK_*_*_*_*_ (Black Parade) www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4ofg0…

The opening riffs for teenagers was echoing out throughout the stadium. Gerard stood watching the crowd with the biggest smile he could do without his face splitting in two. He loved playing for the fans, showing them how he felt watching his favourite band play when he was younger. The bass making the floor vibrate and your body shake. The pounding of drums making your heart thump inside your sweat drenched shirt from jumping and screaming along. Being in a room full of people who love the same band as you would never get old.

As he started to sing he looked at Frank moving his free hand in a DJ like move and point at him at the end of the DJ moves. When he was done doing the stupid hand movements Frank turned and walked around the stage playing his guitar like it was a lifeline.

Later in the song Gerard was standing near Frank again and moving his whole body as he pumped his fist in the air along to the drums. Without noticing Gerard was walking backwards while moving his hand in a way to get the crowd to sing along. As he sung out those beloved lyrics he pointed around the crowd to make his point about who he was singing about.

Turning on his side he saw Frank and then just like before he was back in his puppet like trance. Stalking forwards slowly moving his arms with his leg movements to draw it out, he caught Frank’s attention. Giggling a little Frank let go of his guitar and make a finishing rod like hold in his hands and pretended to reel Gerard in smiling stupidly.

When Gerard was standing next to him Frank held his guitar out to the side and pushed against Gerard while the singer rolled his hips sharply into Frank’s. Frank turned and ran off backwards while Gerard moved his free arm up and down in the air singing along still.

_*_*_*_*FLASHBACK END_*_*_*_*_

He whimpered this time. Why weren’t they stopping? His sobbing became deeper, tears spilling from his soft eyes down onto the dark fabric. He couldn’t stop them. It hurt too much knowing that he could have anyone he wanted apart from the man in the bunk opposite.

Shifting was heard from above and the sound of the bunk groaning in protest before a soft thud of feet hitting the ground. He’d woken up Ray. That just made him feel worse and sob more. The bunk curtain was pulled back and he was pulled into strong arms and lifted out of the bunk. He could see over the shoulder of whoever it was who had picked him up but he quickly shoved his face into their shoulder when he saw the other guys looking at him.

Sobbing into who he now knew was Ray’s shoulder he felt them sit down on the couch away from the bunk and into his lap. Gerard felt his friend’s hand slowly running up and down his back but it did nothing to stop his sobs of emotional pain. You bleed and cry to remember you are human and alive like everyone else. Crying isn’t a sign of weakness, it is a sign of being strong for too long. “Shh buddy, what’s wrong?” Ray’s soft voice asked.

Turning his head into Ray’s neck, Gerard sobbed harder shaking his head. His phone buzzed but he paid no attention to it, too busy being wrapped up in his tears. Ray had grabbed the phone to read the messages between Gerard and Jack to try and help him understand but was shocked deeply by what he saw. Quickly he put the phone back and then it hit him, he was crying over Frank.

“Ohh Gee, calm down, shhhh. Do you want Mikey?” Ray’s gentle voice asked the emotional wreck that was Gerard Way.

Just as the words slipped from his lips Mikey has sat next to them taking his older brother into his lap. Wrapping his arms tightly around his brother like only a brother could while Ray ran his hand up and down Gerard’s back.  “Gee, come on Gee. Calm down, yeah just breathe.” His brother’s voice lulled.

Gerard had stopped sobbing hard now and was just sobbing lightly into his younger brother’s neck, letting out small whimpers. “Come on let’s get you back to bed,” Ray soothed picking Gerard up and bring him back to the bunk room.

Ray shot Mikey a look saying he would tell him later why Gerard was upset as they both tucked him in before moving back to their own bunks.  Gerard’s breathing slowed as he fell asleep slowly trying to push away those horrible thoughts that run through his mind every night. He’d never broken down like that before. He was usually so strong, so what happened? Had he given up any hope of being happy or was it just getting too much for him?

His thoughts stopped though as he fell asleep into a dream he would not remember in the morning but that didn’t matter seems most of his dreams are nightmares about Frank eating or cutting his heart out. Sometimes his nightmares where of Frank marrying a woman and having a family so he could move away from the band and get a real job.

But tonight Gerard was going to let it get to him. He wasn’t going to ignore it because it was there, burning holes into his heart slowly night by night. He would never have Frank love him back and he just had to accept that.